Horoscope for today

You are weirder than others think, for your most unconventional quirks are not readily seen by many people. You may have an air of dreaminess about you, but you still are able to keep your most intense thoughts private. Your inner space is yours alone; even if your close friends get glimpses, you are not required to take them on a tour of your imagination.

I find…

That I’m blogging all around what I’m really feeling – without ever getting close to saying it. 

Sunday night

Nothing like a Sunday night to really bring the weekend to a close.  I remember being a kid and hating Sunday nights cause it meant school the next day.  Here it is, Sunday, and god KNOWS I’m no kid… but I feel the same way.  Like I have to go back into the trenches tomorrow… and I’m hating the thought. 

What’s making it worse is that, for the first time in months, I had a nearly pain free day.  My back was mobile… I could stretch on tip toes with no pain.  <sigh>Now I remember how that feels.  :)  I wish life was a bit more like that.

I am…

Tired

Frustrated

Old

Anxious

Needy

<Shudder> that last one really, really… hurts.

Getting.

I think it is painfully obvious that I'm getting old. Couldn't hang with the young'ns tonight. Really enjoyed the social outlet, really enjoyed a nice walk in PDX, really enjoyed good beers. Really wanted to nap.

Yes, I'm obviously in the midst of my mid-life crisis.

 

Torn

I find myself being torn – between hope (as in ‘the weekend’s here, almost – YAY!) and cynicism (Tomorrow CAN’T go well… cause that would be too easy).

Age? Bitterness?  Senility?  Time will tell.

Easter Sunday

You know… I’m not one to rely on family-esque holidays.  Most of them, in my very early years (from naught to 13, say), were at best survivable.  They always turned sour.  I was always intrigued how others faired on those days. 

Today, I’m reminded of those days.  I look back on some – as I grew older and traded a truly dysfunctional set of parents for a foster set – with nostalgia.  Things were never idyllic, but they certainly were a damn sight better.  It would be easy to ‘fault’ my parents – for all of the failings I saw in them.  Just seems superfluous at this point.  It was what it was.  It made me who I am today.